Hans – Austin Bunton Designs

Summary/Moral: humor and vouching amidst overwhelming minions

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In the heart of Texas, thousands of warrior-officers in back-to-back years of academic and pre-military training was where we found ourselves; these were our first years experiencing American university life. Something had called us to apply as incoming students to Texas A&M University in College Station, Texas, and within a week or so of arriving, touring the campus, getting assigned our dorm/barracks rooms, and getting settled in, we started teaming up when it came time to go through the procedures for requesting permission from our upperclassmen to leave our rooms en route to daily class.

I met Hans during my first year in college there, and we both had great senses of humor, often casually dismissing even the most intimidating of bullies and lame professors. Though Texas A&M, especially as members of The Corps of Cadets, was extremely regimented and unforgiving, Hans and I proved able to remain calm and laugh our ways through it all. Those were superpowers of ours manifesting, though at the time we had no idea; we just thought we were being grown-up while having some fun.

One day in a boring and retarded, state-mandated, Texas history class, we got around having to look at the fat abomination of a man-haired bull-dyke ‘professor’ by writing up a storm of creative random humor, which included a few lines about the wars on the Moon and between entire planets. It got me laughing so hard that I turned a shade of red, and both of us, sitting in our cadet uniforms at the top-back of that auditorium, got ‘called out’ by the ‘teacher’ who couldn’t help but notice and take offense. Served the disgusting deformed bitch right, though, as her entire existence was an offense and an affront to all things good in the world.

Our antics didn’t stop there; one evening we had to stop and get gas at a filling station just off-campus, and he worried a car full of giant football-looking Black guys… by playing air-baseball right next to the pump. He also made sure to roll his window down and stare at anyone in the vehicles next to us when we stopped at red lights, making retard-noises until they finally looked at him, at which point he kept his retard-face on and further made them uncomfortable. It was a laugh riot, and I continue to grin and chuckle to this day at those things.

I would take his brilliant sense of humor and philosophy on with me into the Marine Corps, in which I was able to save many fellow warriors’ sanity, moods, and lives. It led to the fellow artists on one of my Marine teams dreaming up and drafting the first comics for MKM. That story Hans and I wrote in history class that one day at A&M in College Station became a founding piece of the first issue.

I’ll always remember how Hans vouched for me, defending my worthiness as a fellow cadet when the foolish and cunty upperclassmen sometimes talked shit about me, asking him why anyone would ever be on my side. He said he knew he could always count on me to ‘fall out’ with him; I had proven myself brave and reliable enough to always answer my phone, always go out into the hallway when someone was required to have a buddy show up with them in order to get permission to leave for class, and always recite the ‘knowledge’ we’d been ordered to memorize, resulting in the speediest of exits from our dorm (barracks). The upperclassmen couldn’t argue with that, and I always felt a swell of pride and appreciation in my heart for this good friend of mine standing up for me that day. (I’ve made a point to stand up and speak out for good people ever since, no matter the adversaries.)

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Quick Bio:

So much in the Bible was left to our imagination. What were the ancient characters really like? This section of each of our Biblor’an pages helps us more accurately picture our own.

Given Name: Hans Van West
Birthplace/Hometown: ?
DOB: ~1983
Hair/Eyes: blonde / blue
Height/Weight: ~5’10” / ~190 lbs.
Race/Nationality: Caucasian / American
Distinguishing Features: somewhat like Ewen Bremner from Blackhawk Down
Common Attire: normal school clothes and (back in college) cadet uniforms
Voice/Personality: tenor
Education/Career: college / HVAC
Diet/Health: ?
Preferences/Mannerisms: ?
Relatives/Descendants: ?

Hans came from some other part of Texas, his name indicating a lineage from central Europe. He was, with Wes Blackerby, one of the top-three most-‘awake’ members of my officer-training squadron and dormitory/barracks at the time. His bravery, understanding, and sense of humor were godsends for me back then, and we wrote many absolutely hilarious short-stories together during the state-mandated classes that would otherwise have been hellholes dominated by the lazy, overweight, braindead, bulldyke-lesbian ‘teachers’/’professors’ the fucked-up system kept allowing to fill their staffing quotas where we were. Before I knew I wanted to launch MKM, or even had its name figured out, its seminal works all began with pencil and paper on the two wooden desks Hans and I occupied at the top and back of one big auditorium classroom at Texas A&M.

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Jokes: