This is Auz‘s own magazine, started during a war, designed to be offensive-funny.
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Table of Contents:
- Introduction
- 1st Set of Seasons
- Years Skipped
- 2nd Set of Seasons
- Additional Notes
- Cover of Each Issue (Image)
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Introduction:
Dreamed up during my team’s first deployment to the heart of Iraq, this military-humor magazine has since grown to include advertisements, parodies, articles, artwork, and more. Material for 90 issues was prepared, divided into 6 seasons of regularly published releases. Naturally, it was too edgy for the presses, and was pre-banned before it ever made it to the public –or even to most of the editors. You can find it here, though, with physical copies available for sale.
A season for MKM spans just shy of 4 months; 15 issues, one released every week during that time. So far, there have been 2 years between each MKM season; I was working on it solo for the majority of its existence, and had to focus on other things when the temperature returned to mild. The first issue’s material came together after returning from my 2004 deployment. Since all seasons are only now (in the Summer of 2018) being uploaded to this newly-built website, some more recent material is occasionally added to seasons dated with previous years.
* This magazine is based on the darkest of military front-lines satire. It is designed to be offensive and controversial; that is the overall style. Navigate further only if you are okay with that.
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1st Set of Seasons
Season 1: Winter from 2005 to 2006; Between Wars
This first wave of MKM was prepared during the months spent training for my second combat deployment right after my first one. What had started in Iraq was taking clearer shape back at my unit’s permanent duty station near Death Valley. When I wasn’t ramping up with them, or instructing other units to help them prepare too, I was beating the staggering heat and freezing desert nights with more brainstorming as to how to grow this brand-new magazine. This is the result of so many good men and true heroes being used and abused as sniper-bait and worse.
- Issue 1: The very start, drawn in Faluja, Iraq, when this city was the worst war-zone on the planet.
- Issue 2: The Realities of a Boot… Sinking In
- Issue 3: USMC; Universal Slave Maid Corporation
- Issue 4: Zero Brotherhood
- Issue 5: Skate Master
- Issue 6: The Lance Corporal Underground
- Issue 7: Tired Sightings
- Issue 8: Left-seat Right-seat
- Issue 9: Mind-rotting Boredom
- Issue 10: Final Base Chores
- Issue 11: Return to CONUS
- Issue 12: Extracted from the Unit Right in Time
- Issue 13: Barracks Whores
- Issue 14: Base-wide Payback
- Issue 15: Teaching Others to be Wise Killers, Too
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Season 2: Winter from 2007 to 2008; 1st Year Off Active-duty
Returning to civilian life after anticipating a career of 20 years or more in the military, I was floored and at a loss as to what to try next. Everything felt boring, numb, petty, and trivial. I craved missions “like woh”. It was all I could do just to survive and rethink my whole purpose in life. Continuing to unleash my dark-humor side in natural bursts helped a lot, and so MKM lived on. It got me through all the bullshit go-between jobs I needed to complete the transition.
- Issue 1: Emptying the Storage Unit
- Issue 2: Demon Drive through the Dead and Petrified Forest
- Issue 3: The Texas Black-hole
- Issue 4: More Minimum Wage
- Issue 5: Job Hopping
- Issue 6: Underground Raves
- Issue 7: More Street Racing
- Issue 8: Party School
- Issue 9: Robbers
- Issue 10: PMC
- Issue 11: Dealers
- Issue 12: Producers
- Issue 13: Overdose
- Issue 14: A New Corps
- Issue 15: Whipping Boy
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Season 3: Winter from 2009 to 2010; the Navy Experience
My second long-term relationship was arguably just as much of an ambush and train wreck as the first. I handled it pretty well in stride, but it still did a severe number on me, nearly costing me my health, my freedom, and even my life. Once again, returning to the ongoing work of preparing more issues of MKM helped keep me going. Crippling panic attacks, and nightmarish side-effects from many ill-prescribed things, again kept me hanging on the edge, wondering if each and every moment would be my last.
- Issue 1: Wrong Mission
- Issue 2: Back to Where I was Born
- Issue 3: In the Navy!
- Issue 4: Fucking in Dress Blue Alphas
- Issue 5: All Red Flags
- Issue 6: Muslim Tour-guides
- Issue 7: First Time in Asia
- Issue 8: World of Warcraft
- Issue 9: Newport News
- Issue 10: First Time in South America
- Issue 11: Deep South Mad-dogging
- Issue 12: East Coast to West Coast
- Issue 13: Letting Go at the Super-carrier
- Issue 14: Abandoned Near Mexico
- Issue 15: Gabriel to the Rescue
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Season 4: Winter from 2011 to 2012; Evac’ from Texas to Montana
My third serious relationship was yet another ambush and train wreck, in spite of all my efforts to continue proving myself brave, intelligent, honest, and loyal. Once again, I found myself moving out of state to recover. Dark humor continued to be one of my only regularly available outlets for all that built-up hell, and so I let loose, drafting this 4th wave of MKM.
- Issue 1: Slut Doctors
- Issue 2: Shacking Up
- Issue 3: First Mega-church
- Issue 4: Alcoholism
- Issue 5: Half-month in the Holy Land
- Issue 6: Alone with Djinn at Petra
- Issue 7: Latest Corrupt Cops
- Issue 8: False Confession
- Issue 9: Kangaroo Court
- Issue 10: Four Police Suburbans
- Issue 11: Another Brother Rogers Up
- Issue 12: Advance-party to Montana
- Issue 13: Fugitive
- Issue 14: Down-periscope Near Canada
- Issue 15: Earning My First Degrees
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Season 5: Winter from 2013 to 2014; 1st Master’s Degree Earned
Re-stabilizing took time; years, but in the wilderness of the northern Rockies near Canada, I finally pulled it off. I was now fully aware of just how helpful my own style of humor was, and became more committed than ever before to sharing it with others, my first-hand experience now including the witnessing of damn-near miracles.
- Issue 1: Computer-science Post-graduate
- Issue 2: Full-time Job-applier
- Issue 3: Homeless
- Issue 4: An Elf Offers Aid
- Issue 5: Minimum-wage Yet Again
- Issue 6: Apartment Hopping
- Issue 7: Arranged Threesomes
- Issue 8: The Munch
- Issue 9: Hotel Orgy
- Issue 10: Mountain Ridge Marathon
- Issue 11: Vision Quest
- Issue 12: Fake Goddesses
- Issue 13: Master Gardener
- Issue 14: First Farm Built
- Issue 15: Landscaping Mansions
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Season 6: Winter from 2015 to 2016; Yellowstone Club, Grand Canyon, & Start-ups
The Northern Rockies along the Canadian border had treated me well. The locals had been nicer and more helpful than in previous states. Even the low-paying jobs resulted in my fitness and tan returning, and a number of other unexpected connections. With three college degrees and one certification now under my belt, and having helped build, landscape, and irrigate some of the finest and most exclusive mountaintop cabins, lodges, and mansions in the world, I was ready to launch and adventure abroad yet again.
- Issue 1: Cult Roommate
- Issue 2: WGI HQ Boardroom Thrones Gemstones Chosen
- Issue 3: Studio 54 Stink
- Issue 4: Food Stamps
- Issue 5: Druggie Boss
- Issue 6: Last-ditch to New Orleans
- Issue 7: Asteronian Arrested
- Issue 8: More Texas Hell
- Issue 9: Second Life
- Issue 10: Dubai Princess
- Issue 11: Focus Marines Foundation
- Issue 12: Natives, Blood-elves, Fairies, and Perfect Rain in the Grand Canyon
- Issue 13: MOVE-UP with Blackwater
- Issue 14: Dartmouth
- Issue 15: Triquetra Refreshed
Feature Articles that could be written about major events/encounters during these years:
- (for issue 11 this year) exposing Focus (or at least 2 of its hosts/members) for being just more ugly rude shit-talkers trying to pressure me to breed prematurely; morons seeing everything through a template POV/’filter’/’lens’, just like their relig’tard brainwashing teaches them to without even thinking about / realizing it, it never occurring to them that valid input can come from individuals, and that each person alone knows what time is best for them to reproduce, if at all
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Season 7: Winter from 2017 to 2018; the years of the mega-expeditions
During these two years, I went (back) to Chicago, NYC, Dartmouth, San Francisco & the Golden Gate, Hawaii, Earthship Nebraska, the whole NW quadrant of the USA, Anasazi cliff-dwellings, Telos, Malibu, Yosemite, Crater Lake, Alaska, the Arctic, Bryce, Zion Park, Canyonlands, Arches, Mount Olympus, the Caribbean, the Bermuda Triangle, and nearly all of Europe.
- Issue 1: Somehow We Go On
(No more issues were made this season/winter, as the first-website (host-company) issues were beginning and having to be resolved; destined improvement/migration/upgrade. I also had a lot of prep’ to do in order to get ready for my first attempt to solo road-trip across as many nations in Europe as possible in one month/trip.)
Feature Articles that could be written about major events/encounters during these years:
- mercurial idiotic Italian females, and hyper-territorial insecure Italian boys (during my Grosseto introduction)
- gluttonous Hawaiians (the evil-eyed fat-fuck scum in that airport where I politely waited for my layover after scouting Oahu)
- superstitious / exposing the fake farmers (murderers and slanderers pretending to be innocent/normal farmers)
- exposing the murderous Indiana HFAV
- the ridiculous desperate cult of gluttons in Madison, who can only offer hideous cult-mates and cockroach-infested rentals in their slum of a town
- exposing the druggies and other degenerates intruding upon once-sacred MT
- exposing SFF for offering ‘chump change’ just to trick veterans into being monitored and tracked more easily
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Years Skipped:
- Winter from 2019 to 2020 (still heavily involved in building the replacement website; migrating TNH-site to ABD-site)
- Winter from 2021 to 2022 (regrouping in the USA after pyramid ascension/unlock/level-up, then heavily focused on computer-modeling Inisfree and many of its craft/vehicles)
Curiously, Ambi showed up twice during those times; 2020 and 2021. It really had become, as my novels saga had foreseen/written, the time of resurfacing ancients.
Also probably not a coincidence… is that her soft-disclosed character is a True Brujah; that’s the vampire clan subset known for mastering time-travel, and right after meeting her twice… I started noticing signs I had time-traveled.
Feature Articles that could be written about major events/encounters during those years:
- superstitious cartel-parrots / vaxtards / pharma-junkies
- how retarded and rude mexicans are
- how retarded and rude Californians were, especially during the obvious scamdemic
- exposing the fake Farmington veteran program
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2nd Set of Seasons:
2022 Notes:
After ~half a decade, by popular demand, MKM is back! We have issues and entire seasons planned for many years to come.
Every issue has one or two articles, and now includes updates about WMKM shows, and game(s) and computer model, progress.
Anyone approved to enter and reside in Inisfree can submit content suggestions via their FOB-Book page or directly to any nearby ICV.
2022 and all years after have 4 seasons, each of 12 issues, 1 issue released every weekend (for 48 of the 52 weekends each year), always prepared by ICVs (using content selected by Auz; given to them to “polish up” for publication/printing), final approval given by Auz who reads the assembled content on Wednesday mornings, the ICVs making his requested edits and additions on the following day.
- season 1 is for the Spring; March, April, and May
- season 2 is for the Summer; June, July, and August
- season 3 is for the Autumn; September, October, and November
- season 4 is for the Winter; December, January, and February
MKM now includes dark humor about each race in Inisfree, with a feature-article with edgy or racy humor about each major person in King Auz’s life.
“Not all our writing is spells to manifest; some is just to manifest a good laugh here and there, which it does. The mature know the difference and value of that.”
2024 May update: 1 week/weekend between each of the following seasons is time off; we won’t publish an issue of MKM during those 4 weeklong intervals each year.
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2022 Season 1 Issues:
I had arrived back in Madison, Indiana, well into the Winter of 2021, and this time would end up there longer than a full year. Curiously, I also ended up in the same apartment, after re-meeting the same people, having the same conversations from years before, etc.; time-travel may have occurred back then (2017-2019), I now re-living what I had somehow skipped ahead to / foreseen back then.
- This first return-season focuses on funny content about the Angels.
- Asari
- Aspara
- Demi-deities
- Demons
- Draenei
- Dragons
- Drow
- Dryads
- Elementals
- Elves
- Fairies
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2022 Season 2 Issues:
After being lied to about a shipping-containers housing-project for veterans, and lied to about a job-opening at a cemetery, of all places, then being pressured by a retarded loser to take jobs that had nothing at all to do with my many and incredible skills/experience, I decided to abandon attempts at helping the wayward/lost locals/ingrates, and instead started computer-modeling Inisfree.
- Inisfreeans
- Kryptonians
- Mermaids
- Mutants (including X-Men)
- Mutates
- Naga
- Nymphs
- Pleiadians
- Tamaraneans
- Thanagarians
- Vampires
- Werewolves
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2022 Season 3 Issues:
The ongoing computer-modeling helped me resolve the Uber Hangars count/spacing, as well as that of the ICGM‘s theater (which got to become a stack of 5 of those rooms). With that now well-visualized/-modeled and figured out, I started computer-modeling the AF1, as well as all 6 sizes of flying saucers for Inisfree’s commercial airline/Spaceline.
- Clones
- Dark Fleet (SSP) Personnel
- Goreans
- Greys
- Reptilians & Reptoids
- Solar Warden (SSP) Personnel
- Cecaelia
- Attilans
- Themyscirans
- The Hosts
- Illithids
- Ainur
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2022 Season 4 Issues:
I had wrapped up most of the computer-modeling of Inisfree, and was now looking for my way out of that awful town of gluttons, liars, cult-members, low-paying BS jobs, and rude bitches who thought clearing their throats at me was somehow attractive or logical.
- Chiss
- Fauns
- Ents
- Majesdanians
- Mayans
- Nordics
- Orions
- Aldebarans
- Were-owls
- Transformers
- Valyrians
- Aghartans
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2023
2023 Season 1 Issues:
This Spring, I moved back to Montana, to the same town I had tried to work and ‘anchor’/live in years ago. I witnessed more uniform signs that all pointed to probable time-travel from back then; it seems I had not only foreseen or skipped ahead by several years back in Indiana, but also here. I wondered how and why.
- 3rd time in BS/YC, partial loop discovered here also (showing me the hotties really were age-locked, I getting to re-see every last one of them)
- astrology book again offended me w/ propaganda, though this time I remembered being shown it in 2019, so its 2nd rd was mixed; half bad/lies, half good/useful –I reread it, disregarded its evil propaganda, and made photos, notes, folder
- Hogwarts II floors determined
- vegan itineraries
- 1,000 ICV subpages started
- night-club models
- many grocery store updates
- many mall updates
- Tantric Academy full-size computer-model started
- Weddings in Inisfree image/map; all locations chosen
- Where They Live image/map with favicon faces
- final structures side-views started
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2023 Season 2 Issues:
I spent this Summer trying to stay ‘anchored’ in the town just a few minutes from the cabin I was still focused on moving into. Just like in Indiana, the locals and jobs proved to be retarded, so I switched back to just doing work for myself, making tons more progress than ever before.
- final night-club design-collages started
- ongoing signs of possible time-travel; same stories from re-met coworkers, re-flooded cabin-mansion, good-morning-ing myself, etc.
- Ambi now whole; her dark side freed and both her sides reunited/re-merged successfully
- many more hotties summoned/introduced/disclosed for me; 3 Romanovski characters soft-disclosed / (re?)introduced, … and now not only Ariel, but also Adrianna, Arwen, and Faith in our bed every night forever, and Ashtanna in her cage on the floor
- re-writing (2nd time the Ambi-typist sent to me) witch Nevaeh setting out candles, wine, and snacks for me for our (now 2nd/redone) reunion-fuck/date
- concerts directory and all concert sub-pages updated, many completed
- Persephone‘s Missions sub-page
- Black Ops team-members chosen
- FOB-Book emojis
- Discord emojis, first the (50) stills and then the (50) animated; GIFs (plus another 50 that were un-uploaded; not steamy enough)
- TNH ODST Bay given more written detail
- TNH dropships and ‘Mechs spec’s
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2023 Season 3 Issues:
After the same roommate from my first ‘anchoring’ attempt in this area years ago… again proved to be an idiot, liar, and saboteur, I once again returned to my favorite camping/river spots, continuing my work, and staying focused on the sacred goal/s, annoyed by the room’tard but un-phased/undeterred.
- TNH single-craft hangars
- CIV Aero museum design, and Museums Directory webpg started
- MIL Aero terminal-gates level design
- Drow Temple now has details
- Inisfree’s Firm Base and 3 FOBs now have a webpage
- Gym4s now have detailed layout
- Protectorates updated
- preemptive travel SOP drafted
- all framed pictures and murals for the ICGM chosen (but completed in October, so just say this was started these couple months ago?)
- merchandise additions
- SSA sky-views / visualization-aid update
- precise total of ICVs for MPHA, DS, CP, WS, MSBS, PSBS, and SSBS
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2023 Season 4 Issues:
Winters in Montana are challenging for nomads without heated campers/RVs, so I reluctantly headed south, also like I had several years ago, and continued noticing probable signs/hints I had time-traveled the last time I’d done this; the same stories from restaurants and tattoo shops (claiming they hadn’t existed back when I’d first tried them), and so on. This was when my vegan/food tourism in Vegas re-began. It is also when I finally got to start my biggest and 13th tattoo.
- LHS Culinary Arts curriculum fully outlined
- ICGM Theaters posters chosen
- several Inisfreean Law pages/sections added to
- completed the Games sub-page; alphabetized, consolidated, added to, etc.
- Art & School Supplies factory added
- lots of detail and several new webpage-sections added for the Jam Shanty
- Melody introduced
- a few expedition pages updated
- FOB-Net airline-booking process spelled out
- White Limo dimensions dialed in
- stewardess-seating and gurneys-storage placed in Inisfree Spaceways saucers
- MREs veganized
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2024
2024 Season 1 Issues:
This Spring, after returning to Muley Point’s giant-blocks ruins in late February, I made my way back to Montana yet again. Again, I ‘anchored’ as long as I could. Again, I started nomadic tasking when it made sense to –and now… I was starting to return to places to see if they were time-travel spots and/or area-triggers.
- first week-long dates planned and going wonderfully; increasing time and alignment with the chosen hotties
- many new computer/video games, movies, TV shows, etc.
- welcome-boulder update
- February: Desserts Dirigible uniform chosen (*It is fine that these things are mentioned in a season after they happened; this magazine is not about posting things as they happen; that’s what the Exped. Directory and IRLJ are for.)
- bodyguards (clandestine Secret Service) calculated
- Saturn-day Night Live; our first comedy TV show
- Aorlie chapter/s wrap-up
- March: Social Butterfly concert now detailed
- WoW latest version being tested –for inspiration for my own versions
- 1st of my 2 S.T. suits tested with top wife
- birthmark y back spot fixed
- Archer 2.0 (WMKM TV show drafted)
2024 May 19 (thus issue 9 or 10 this season) news bulletin: “Aryan’s (Iran’s) moo-slum president was assassinated by the USA, one of Israel’s puppet governments, Israel itself being a puppet government of the 4th Reich (but that’s another article/story for another time), which ordered one of its SBX-1 (HAARP gen’ 2) weather-manipulation systems to cause severe weather which that president’s helicopter could barely handle, paired with the simultaneous firing of a concentrated beam of trans-gaytardedness from one of the USA’s murder satellites disguised as a normal spy satellite. There may also have been a laser-beam of concentrated covid19 (in other words: the 5G energy/signals which confuse, overload, and fatigue people, eventually resulting in cancer when done gradually over the long-term). When the beam or beams hit that (allegedly) old helicopter (both weather and the helicopter’s age being laughably blamed as the causes for what was clearly another murder/assassination), it caused the craft to immediately change genders and have a heart/engine clot, and the severe weather did the rest, bringing the confused and neutered airship crashing down (or “radio-/remote-castrated”, if you like), much like masculinity and femininity crashed and burned in the USA decades ago. Thankfully, only religious (braindead) humanimals died in the crash. They might have been body-doubles, stunt-doubles, or expendable clones, but still.
Being an older vessel (again, allegedly), it did not have a gaydar or sufficient anti-scamdemic shielding to withstand the attack. This is why all sandniggers are here-to-forth advised to stick to transport by camel or beastly old hunchback grandmother.
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Drug slang: “Mesopatamian Stanley-Cup triple award-winning soul-bleeder taint-blaster J.D. Power Associates dingleberry zaza”; a type of marijuana.
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2024 Season 2 Issues:
finally the wiz isle?
*The following in this and season 3 this year happened in Spring; season 1, so consolidate/move them up?
- June: barefoot mountain ascents started (back in Spring) / continuing
- upcoming concerts’ web/subpages completed with notes
- my own cookbook
- Perry Rhodan series discovered
- old/torn clothes discarded and replaced, and old/soiled backpack discarded, new sandals, new hiking stick / (proto/trainer) wizard staff
- wall-art for Inisfree Spaceways
- IC BMs‘ 5th appearance-mode
- police-Tumbler light-bar close-approximation found
- firetruck and police-Tumbler sounds chosen/specified
- considering feijoa as latest addition to main farmland
- _
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2024 Season 3 Issues:
- Civil Support Team CBRNE training drafted for the NWO MIL TRNG Area
- 10may: Prince Peace updt to SSA nick’s
- 20may: Double-carrier Racetrack dimensions calculated/specified/exact
- _
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2024 Season 4 Issues:
- November: TBA
- _
- December: TBA
- _
…
We feature most Untied Status Marin Crops content.
(Yes, the name of that other set of jokes is spelled that way on purpose; to poke fun at how stupid the Marine Corps and most Marines were.)
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Centuries Ahead:
- During the 2100s, MKM issues had more humor and articles about the resurfacing ancients, the mega-cities, forming SSA, etc..
- During the 2200s, MKM issues had more humor and articles about the Mapping Campaign findings.
- During the 2300s, MKM issues had more humor and articles about the emigration to 34 Tauri.
- During the 2400s, MKM issues had more humor and articles about the USCMC and terraforming out there.
- During the 2500s, MKM issues had more humor and articles about the TNH work, as well as Halo-series and StarCraft events.
Then about the humor found appropriate, as our ICV mindreads can forecast and confirm, by the people whose realms we are invited to move our city to.
- During 2600s-3100s (600 years; 2,400 seasons; 28,800 issues), MKM issues had more humor and articles about the first place Inisfree moved to; Aman.
- ~3200s-4000s (~9,000 years; 36,000 seasons; 432,000 issues): about the Cecaelia and Illithids of R’lyeh and its linked communities.
- ~4043-4856: Angels in/on Cloudmassland
- ~4856-5668: Werewolves in New Canada
- ~5668-6075: Shadow Elementals in Shadowmassland
- ~6075-6481: Shadow Elementals in the Underdark
- ~6481-7293: Drow in the Underdark
- ~9933-25,779: Mermaids in New Atlantis
- ~25,779-33,701: Arcadia; Fairies
- ~41,624-49,547: Nazjatar; Naga
- ~57,469-73,315: Agharta; Giants
- ~73,315-89,160, Inisfree moves to the Moon; Moon Nymphs
- ~89,160-105,006: Gor; kajirae, etc.
- ~156,504-465,491: the Sun’s edge; Elementals and Angels at that star-gate (in its “atmosphere”)
- ~465,491-774,478: the “Hel” dimension; more Angels
- ~774,478-1,083,465: New Krypton; Kryptonians
- ~1,083,465-1,392,452: Erra; Pleiadians
- ~1,392,452-1,701,439: Illium; Asari
- ~1,701,439-1,855,933: Vampiria; all the good Vampires
- ~3,014,634-9,039,880: Dragonhome; Dragons
- ~9,039,880-12,052,503: the Craftworlds; the Eldar (Space Elves)
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Additional Notes:
How interesting that this magazine ended up happening in three distinct phases (like my life and so many expeditions/encounters);
- seasons 1 through 7
- a couple over-winters skipped
- new wave of seasons/content
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Cover of Each Issue:
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Of course, that doesn’t mean I wanted to offend everyone –beyond here; in person. I just chose funny-offensive humor as the starting-point and main/underlying theme of this magazine. Don’t confuse the two.
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Also see:
- OMW to violated Facebook standards
- clip from “Show Me Your Genitals” by Jon Lajoie
- “Show Me Your Genitals 2”
- “Penis Wine”
- badminton training
- Untied Status Marin Crops, King of the Hill, Colors
- airplane engine piece spinning inside
- Monkey raises ass to rude lapdog
- Star Wars funny censor “kill” sounds like “fuck”
- “Girls: I don’t usually do this” Sponge Bob lick ice-cream cone
- have to give a quarter to charity
- kitten jump face hit
- “You’re gonna snap my back, bro. I’m cumming. Ughhhh. SHIT!”
- landmine with sports commentary
- British royal painting reveal party, crown of needles
- “I Drive the Speed Limit…”
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